


Enough

by pennywritesthings (orphan_account)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:31:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9543857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pennywritesthings
Summary: He was both your poison and your antidote.Tumblr Anon said: Ryan/Reader: “Hey, have you seen the…? Oh.” Pls. <3





	

You hated yourself.

Always had, probably always would.

You hated yourself for the way you looked. You thought your face was enough to turn people off, and nobody had really proven you wrong. You hated your body. It was like you subconsciously wanted to invent a new, horrific shape, and you succeeded and put the fruits of your labor on your body. You hated your mind. It was broken in so many ways you were certain there was going to be a new mental disorder just for you.

You mostly hated your little habit of falling in love with people who would never love you back.

Currently, you hated how much you were in love with James Ryan Haywood.

Even the term ‘in love’ didn’t seem like a strong enough word. You could write a book series on everything you loved about him and still have things left over to think about later. You gave him all the love you had and didn’t even realize that you had in your whole body, and he couldn’t ever reciprocate. He was your best friend, so he did, to some extent, love you, but it wasn’t the same. It was like he was somehow deadly poison and antidote at the same time.

On one hand, it felt so good to have his friendship. To have the funny conversations about inappropriate things at inopportune times. To be able to talk and text and call each other for hours on end without getting bored. To hug him and relish in the fact that nobody ever hugged him as good and as long as you did. To be able to understand him without even trying, and have him understand you better than you understood yourself.

He made you the happiest you had ever been, hands down. But he was also the reason why you were sitting in your desk chair alone in the Achievement Hunter office long after everyone else had left, head resting on your arms looking down at your desk with tears long dried on your cheeks and your eyes red and puffy.

You were going to have to get up and go home eventually, but you didn’t want to quite yet. You were having one of those days where you felt shitty anyways, but then you had had to be in a Presented With Comment that Ryan was also in. Naturally, there was a comment mentioning your relationship, or lack thereof, with him. Something shitty from a YouTube commenter (of course) that was something along the lines of ‘when are they going to fuck?’

You and Ryan had both laughed it off and shook your heads, much to the amusement of the rest of your coworkers, but only one of you thought that the age old fan joke was ridiculous. It hurt, but you’d never show it. What was that dumbass saying? Smile even though you’re sad.

You smiled anyway, just like you always did, despite the fact that every time it was brought up your heart somehow found a way to break even further.

And Ryan knew. Of course he did. How couldn’t he? But god, was he a gentleman about it. He let you down nice and easy, as if he was speaking to a wounded animal he was going to have to put down.

“We’re just not compatible.” He had told you. “You’re my best friend, yes, but I don’t think we would work in a relationship setting.”

It was bullshit, all of it, but you smiled and nodded anyway as he ripped your heart out of your chest, and then continued to do so for a few years. You were so, so tired. It had been so long and you didn’t want this anymore. But no matter how hard you tried, it never left you. Despite Ryan being easily the smartest man you knew, he thought it did. He thought you were happy now. You had been able to fool him, and perhaps that was what hurt the worst.

“Y/N? I thought you promised you wouldn’t sleep in the office anymore.” Ryan’s voice echoed through the room, and you tensed. What was he doing here? He left a few hours ago.

“Sorry, Rye.” You mumbled, your words muffled as you tried to muster up the courage to get up.

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to your back.” Ryan’s voice was stern, yet amused. His ‘dad’ voice. “I know that that’s gotta hurt.”

Your eyes closed briefly as you took a deep breath, readying yourself to face him and pretend like you weren’t just crying over him for the past two hours. “Sorry, Y/N’s back.”

“That’s better. Hey, have you seen my - oh.” Ryan’s voice started out cheery, but paused and broke as you got up. You were sure you knew why he stopped speaking. You looked like a damn mess, and you didn’t need a mirror to know it.

“I know, I know, I’m gorgeous.” You teased, adjusting the hood on top of your head, hoping your hands weren’t visibly shaking anymore.

“Well, that’s not the word I’d use at this moment.” Ryan’s face was stuck at a concerned frown. You wanted to smooth away the wrinkles between his eyebrows with your thumb and make him smile again with a dumb joke or something like that. “Are you okay?”

Ah. That certainly was the question, wasn’t it?

“‘Course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” You replied curiously, lying through your teeth like a pro.

Ryan hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure he was ready to accept your words quite yet. You were going to have to do better than that. “Because you were sleeping in the office two hours after you were supposed to go home, where I know for a fact you have a nice, comfortable bed. That, and your eyes are red.”

You shrugged. “My eyes were drying out and I couldn’t find any eye drops. I decided I’d take a quick nap so that they’d be better and I’d be safer to drive.”

You were way too convincing of a liar, and you hated it. But right now, you were thankful for it. Because Ryan nodded, his eyes lightening up. “I’m glad you’re being safe about driving. But, uh, I think I left my phone here. Have you seen it?”

“I haven’t, actually.” You frowned lightly, as if this was your biggest concern in life. “Want me to call it?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”

Within minutes, you had both located his phone safe and sound. Ryan had thanked you and said goodbye to you, as he always did, with a gigantic bear hug. Your smile didn’t even slip in the safety of his embrace as you wrapped your arms around him. Ironically, you always felt better after all of his hugs no matter what was bothering you. You hated it, the vicious, never-ending cycle of loving and hating your relationship with him, but at least you had him.

That was what got you through most days. Because, as much as you hated it, it could be worse. He was still your best friend. That was all that could matter to you. If you didn’t have that… well. You weren’t sure who you’d be, if anyone at all.

That was a thought that never left you. You may not have him in the way you desperately wanted, but at least you had a friendship that, if you were lucky, would last a lifetime. Even if it broke you, you had him for as long as you both would live. And that was enough for you.


End file.
